The following is something I wrote this time last year. It’s about an issue that’s been on my mind again, recently.
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My boyfriend’s been privy to plenty of my rants on sexism and general stupidity, but when he heard me self-identify as a feminist during a conversation we had this weekend, he was momentarily thrown. See, like many people, the first image that came to Paul’s mind when hearing ‘feminist’ was that of the shrill, belligerent woman burning her bra* in the town square.
This particular story is rubbish, and you’re welcome to read up more on how the myth of the burning bra came about* and why it’s persisted as one of the strongest images of feminism even today (probably to discredit the feminist movement entirely as a group of radical man-hating lesbians) but I’m going to tell you what I think a feminist looks like.
Any person, regardless of their gender or colour, who advocates the equal rights of women politically, socially, economically and in the marketplace of opportunities; a person who actively does this, lending their voice to this fight and against those things that work against these ideas on however a large or small scale – is a feminist.
That’s it. You don’t need unshaved armpits and legs to do it, and you don’t need a vagina either.
I also believe that for feminism to succeed, we need to focus on the bigger picture: gender equality (that is, equality for all genders) being the goal. Take the workplace. Here, a woman having the right to do a job previously ‘owned’ by males, if she so chooses to, is a step in the right direction – but not the definitive solution. Equally important to the cause is the elevation of those roles and positions that have historically been seen as ‘female roles’ (and often indicating the inferiority of women), to their deserved status. So the roles of home-maker, stay-at-home-parent and others are regarded as meaningful and can be chosen without fear of derision or emasculation, by men who would like to do them.
Without enforcement, without expectation.
It means that a woman can choose to wear a suit and work on the 11th floor, without being scorned for preferring this lifestyle to motherhood and marriage (and if she is also both a mother and a wife, not to be scorned for loving her job and paying attention to it). Conversely, if a woman chooses to be a stay-at-home-mum, she shouldn’t be vilified for ‘rejecting the opportunities fought for her life by women in the feminist movements’. If a man chooses to be a nurse and not a doctor, a stay at home dad and not the main breadwinner, or a hairdresser or a stylist or a fashion designer he should feel free to consider these avenues without fear of ‘failing to be a man’. And if he decides that business is the route for him, he should be able to do so because it’s what he wants to do.
Essentially, we’re not talking about changing men and women, not pretending that there aren’t differences between us – we’re talking about changing the gender construct that our society is mired in to give human beings the opportunity to progress. True equality means dropping our preconceived notions about what a man or woman SHOULD be and what each of us, REGARDLESS of gender (because there are many people who don’t identify with or classify themselves as either of the two according to what convention suggests) COULD be. True equality is not about feminism or progressive masculinity – those are merely two different vehicles hopefully headed towards the same destination – equality for human beings.
This is why songs like Beyoncè’s ‘Girls (run the world)’, Girl Power statements like “Behind every great man is a great woman”, trite platitudes like “The man is the head of the home, but the woman is the neck – and it’s the neck that turns the head” with their falsely reverent overtone, and ‘pro-woman’ declarations like “Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their own balls – because they can” and “Men are placemats… they only show up when there’s food on the table” rankle.
Each of those perpetuate an untruth, masking the need for real action and real change and the saddest thing about those last ‘jokes’ is that if women can only feel empowered by spreading derogatory stereotypes about men then we’re no better than those who stereotype and discriminate us because we’re women.
Not to mention that it doesn’t do anyone any good. I’m fortunate to know there are many good men in this world, my boyfriend included, who don’t deserve to be labelled this way. And some of them would call themselves feminists too.
